At 0530 the tones went off. Just early enough to make me grumble about missing a little bit of precious sleep but late enough that I knew I was up for the day.
We were being dispatched for a 14 year old male feeling ill. That's dispatcher speak for 'we have no idea what's wrong with this person.'
When we pulled up we were waved down by a friend of our patient. By the looks of him, something serious must be wrong.
We walked into the apartment and found our patient. He was sitting on the couch and looked to be in zero distress. I walked up to him, sat down on my drug box (which doubles as my chair on a lot of calls), and introduced myself.
During introductions I evaluated his pulse (steady and strong), his airway (completely patent), his respiratory effort (breathing nice and easy), and his skin signs (completely normal). Not being able to detect a reason for the 911 call I then asked the question...
"So, why are we here?"
His answer was one that I haven't heard before. He had called 911 because, and I quote, "I was feeling lazy."
My mind raced! Really?! LAZY??!? I really wanted to say that I had toilets at the station he could scrub as a cure. Heck, he had a toilet there at his own home he could scrub. But before I could figure out which smart a** response to go with AMR showed up. And with them, a paramedic intern.
As the intern walked in I gave him a quick report. 14 year old male, chief complaint...feeling lazy. The poor medic intern didn't know what to do with that one.
I talked for a moment with his preceptor and then we cleared the call. The last thing I heard from the AMR crew was them explaining to the patients father, who was already at work, that he had to come home to sign his son out AMA since his son called 911 and was a minor.
I think dad will correct that situation.
Wildfire Briefing, February 5, 2016
15 hours ago